Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Time Well Spent

In Uncategorized on January 30, 2016 at 6:28 pm

I suppose every once in a while I should post about just the daily living things and stuff I have spent my time on. The mundane. Although for me now nothing seems mundane. Every moment is a cherished one. The usual and the routine do not exist for me anymore.  That was something that happened right away, at the beginning. The harsh edges of the world disappeared. Grey turned silver.

So, I spent a couple days with my beloved nephew Steve. Although we had big plans to play games and such, we ended up mostly in deep introspective conversation, talking about life, the universe and everything.  I of course conjured up many family memories and stories. His house is comfortable and warm and inviting, and I felt someone had dropped me off at a luxurious and expensive spa. It was a good two days.

Then Friday we got all the Legal mumbo jumbo out of the way finally and finished and that was an accomplishment. My hair had fallen out the day before so I showed up at the law office in my Sock Monkey hat. Gave new meaning to the phrase “Are you of sound mind…..”  That night my sister Denise and I celebrated with great cheese, wine, and some antipasto meats, and a movie together. I had actually had a lot of the legal stuff done years ago (not done well, mind you, but done and legally binding)  but my niece Mysi (who is executor of my estate) in her most competent and efficient manner set it in stone for me by getting a lawyer and we re-did it for accuracy and for them to be more up to date and current.  So, Power of Attorney, Last Will and Testament, and Advance directives all done and we good to go.

Most of the past month has been kind of a whirlwind of activity.  Who knew cancer was so darn busy? My ten radiation treatments ended last Tuesday. It was painless (and actually quite interesting and educational for the clinical side of me.) I had some side effects, but not anything to write home about. There was a feeling in the afternoon of exhaustion, but a good nap and I was back up and at ’em. Main thing was the funky taste in my mouth all the time and all food flavors went haywire.  This of course led to me doing a kind of running experiment with food. Catsup turned hot. Actually all tomato products gained heat. This begs the question does radiation have a special effect on tomatoes?  Dill pickles were flat. Black Pepper lost its taste completely, it was a flat flake. Some foods had the taste of burnt fire wood throughout. Salt was so salty it bordered on caustic. Things that were still good: Ice cream, malts and shakes, peppermint, Orange Juice, apples, dates, rice, and salad. I really look forward to the day when my mouth tastes normal. I am not sure when it wears off.

Friday we saw the big dog Oncology doc and set up the PET scan appointment to take a look see how the radiation affected the tumors/swelling. Talked about what can and cannot be done and other various treatments depending on a number of things, He did some lab to identify various cell markers, which may or may not lead to chemo, but he really does not think it would be beneficial, not even in a palliative way. So, a couple more weeks, we revisit.

I am not sure that I ever explained my feelings about Cancer treatment. I have given it considerable thought, and discussed it all at length with my niece Mysi, who knows my feelings about it.  I of course was a cancer nurse for some time. Actually, the floor I worked on was Oncology and “clean heart”; heart caths, pre-op readying for open heart surgery the next day. It was a good combination of patients, since the cancer patients are so vulnerable and the cardiac folk were not ill with communicable diseases.  Anyway, I saw so many valiant struggles—some awe inspiring, some horrendously gruesome and heart breaking. But I had decided that if it ever happened to me. I would accept it, and not fight for more time…but BETTER time. If anything would debilitate me to where I was more sick from the treatment than the disease, if I was not ME, if I was incapacitated and my quality of life was diminishing from the treatment then I would not have it done.  I want to be me til I die.

Good news on the religious front as well, The priest is coming over on Tuesday, 9 am. I should  make a separate blog post just about that. Maybe I will.

We have had 4 glorious days of Spring like weather. I have my windows open now as I write this. It is 72 degrees on January 29. I count my blessings everyday. The weather is one of them lately.  God loves us in Oklahoma.





Tell Them Its Ok To Talk about the CANCER

In Uncategorized on January 26, 2016 at 10:07 am

There is a great movie “Terms of Endearment” that if you want a good weeper, you should see if you have not. To force out some good sobs and tears (remember there is always sadness in death, and sad is not a bad thing, and letting yourself have a good cry is very cleansing), and there is a scene in it that I love. Well, several scenes, actually but this one is currently stuck in my head. I guess because I find the cancer easy to talk about and I don’t mind if people ask me questions. I also have always had this odd ability to step outside myself and look at myself clinically in a very objective way. And of course there is this inner teacher screaming to get out.  I also find that if I let go of a good cry, the laughter later is easier and better.

There are other good “death” movies that will make you sob: “Steel Magnolias”, “Beaches”,

There is a scene in “Beaches” (I cannot find it online) where the two main characters are talking and Bette Midler’s character says “My memory is long.” and the dying character says “I am counting on it”. It always struck me. The death scene in this one is also very poignant.  “Beaches” though for me, will always be in my heart my sister Denise. Denise was always the wind beneath my wings. She encouraged me, listened to me, aimed me to my dreams and told me to go for it. Without her strength, I would have been so much less than I am now.  When I graduated Nursing School I dedicated Wind Beneath My Wings to her as “our” song.



Whorey Hordes of Hollywood

In Coffee Fueled Rants, Uncategorized on August 27, 2013 at 12:45 pm

So the big deal this week was Miley Cyrus being nasty at the VMA awards. Is it surprising? No, not really. Was it avant garde and edgy? No, it was more of the same from the Whorey Hordes of Hollywood. Miley is now a glommer-on to all the grime that seeps out of a town that used to take pride in its creativity and artistry. Now it holds the golden calf of conformity and the stuff it finds amusing, for most of us here in the real world, you can easily find in the sleaziest parts of town or in a cut rate by the hour motel on any number of state highways.

The entertainment industry is dead, and Miley Cyrus gyrating on MTV is just the lid being pulled off another can of nails for the coffin. For years now there has been little out of tinsel town for the rest of us here to watch, not getting our kicks, as those enlightened folks on the coasts do, by a continual parade of train wreck lives to watch so we don’t feel oh so bad about our own.

So, we get to watch yet another “teen idol” become just another tramp on the tube.

What would have been really gutsy and brave would be to refuse to throw yourself on the trash heap of Hollywood, and have a moral compass, principles and a sense of self worth that does not come from a 4 square inch piece of flesh that most of our mothers told us should be covered with a clean pair of underwear every day.  When all you have is a golden twat to peddle then don’t be surprised when you are treated like a piece of meat, which Hollywood is happy to chew up and spit out.

Guild Wars 2 and The Great Unwashed

In Uncategorized on August 31, 2012 at 7:23 am


Since I was victim of the Great Guild Wars 2 Launch “Hacking” event, and am still unable to log into my Guild Wars 2 Account this morning, I thought I would catch you all up on my experiences with the game, and what little I know about the various myriad of issues that are affecting the client base.


What has actually happened to me and others is not really a hacking of accounts, but an attempted hacking, although I have heard (from their reddit stream) that some of the attempts were successful. For people like me, who merely had an attempt made, we have all been locked out of our own accounts “for our own protection”, until such time as the powers that be get through the voluminous amount of support tickets and restore our accounts to us. Personally, I consider this being hacked by Guild Wars 2 itself.  I am also completely unimpressed by the lack of any information that they have given publicly to those in the same state as myself.  Certainly, hacking incidents are an unfortunate and altogether too frequent occurrence affecting games, especially on launch, but Guild Wars 2 seemed to be completely unprepared for this, and indeed, contributed to it by using the archaic and notoriously insecure “email login” for their game.  To further the problem they made the webpage login, game log in and the support log in all the same log in.

This allows anyone with a base of email addresses to bot the web page log in or the game log in with email addresses and a simple “reset password” attempt. This sent hundreds of reset password attempt emails to already playing, paying, and verified users. Guild Wars 2 then posted on their facebook page the standard “How to keep your account secure” post, but— turned off the password reset. Anyone who clicked on the link sent from the botters who tried to reset their password, or who dutifully followed the advice of Guild Wars 2 on their page without having any password reset mails sent, were locked out of the game.

Inside the game itself, more chaos ensued. A cascade of events that piled into a heaping stinking mess. Already having issues with their in game market, which was closed and had been closed since launch with only sporadic openings for testing, banks, bags and storage were already fast becoming full of things made by the players in the game, that could not be sold on a closed market. As the hackbots began their shenanigans, for the safety and protection of people’s accounts that might be compromised, in game mail…the only way to send items to another player—was also shut down.

Seemingly more important, given Guild Wars 2’s  amount of communication on the issue  and adding to their decision to shut down in game mail immediately was an exploit that was found in the game (also covered extensively on their reddit) where a high level item was selling from an NPC karma vendor for a ridiculously low amount, and thousands were bought and sold by those players who do not have an internal moral compass. So to stop the massive get rich free-for-all the mail system was turned off. This, in turn, caused already burgeoning bags to be taxed (along with everyone’s patience) further. Ah….a perfect storm.

I, myself, cannot even imagine the amount of support tickets, emails, comments, etc. that they recieved via the many unorganized channels they have chosen to use to communicate with their clients BESIDES their own launcher or their official web page and blog. I had a helluva time keeping up with what was happening, and my google-foo and net savvy is pretty good. I cannot even imagine the sheer horror of the average joe who was caught in the middle of this storm and who suddenly found himself locked out of a game he paid 60 to 150 dollars for.

My own horror was enough. I have been online since 1993 and this is the first time I have ever had a hacking attempt. In all honesty however, it was more a denial of service —- which succeeded due to Guild Wars 2’s bumbling handling of it all.

I am still at this hour locked out of my account. There is scant communication coming from the powers that be, and there is no ETA of how long it will take for the hundreds, if not thousands, of us affected by this fiasco to recover our accounts. So we wait…..and our patience grows thin. It is not just a game, It is our information, it is our lack of control over that information, and Guild War’s seemingly obliviousness to our plight. Other actions by Guild Wars 2 during this time have given off the impression that we —the reset-botted— are pretty far down in their list of priorities. This is not a good impression to have just 7 days out of launch.

I am left saddened for a game I waited 5 years for. I am sad because it is so very beautiful. It reminds me of that scene from Batman where the joker comes to the museum and defaces and destroys all the art work.



Avie Suicide

In Coffee Fueled Rants, Uncategorized on August 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

Unfortunately the 50 or so people who I emailed, called, poked and prodded to rejoin There are adamant that I return to There (since some only rejoined to see me and to see the little clubhouse and our Sky PAZ again)

So instead of leaving completely I am stuck going in and paying the clubhouse rent, setting it up, and then rarely logging on again once it is set up.

I am also still being used as There_Helper since people remember me from the “good old days” as one of those pesky Thereians who was always willing to help with a problem if I could. I am referring them to: